The New Normal - Building Endurance Through Vulnerability
Written by Shelley Devine
I don't know about you but I'm feeling the loss of being FREE to just GO & do something, anything outside my home. I'm longing for a fun game to play with friends or our traditional spring time bootcamp games like shark tank or dodge ball, and all the shits and giggles we have! I feel like my life, at least the freedom to go and do what I want, is under attack because of conditions beyond my control.
Not being able to get back to a normal routine or the way things use to be is down right unreal and lonely!!
I mean who could have imagined we had to give up meeting for bootcamp
or going to the gym. We had to give up time spent with loved ones or
friends. We were told to work from home, wash our hands, and wear face
masks! We were asked to stay away from each other & wait in lines 6
feet apart to get into a grocery store and not to hoard toilet paper!
And Now schools are closed for the rest of the year....unimaginable!!
The simple freedom
of grabbing a coffee at Starbucks or getting dinner at your favorite
restaurant is no longer "the luxury" it was... AND if that's not
enough, how or when we actually come out of this period of social
distancing is completely unknown & uncertain.
There are too many variables that need to happen before we get back to
any sort of physical interaction. Blessed be the people who are on the
forefront of solving that task!
So yah I'm feeling this! On the upside people have been amazing though and its made me think....
With this lack of freedom
to physically connect, isn't it interesting just how much we rely on
one another for our own well being and just how vulnerable we all are
equally?
This reminds me of a time years ago when testing for my brown belt in
Small Circle Jujitsu. During my initial attempt I sustained a bad
injury to my knee thus carried off the mat. I was so frustrated &
annoyed that I was unable to continue.
The second time I tested proved to be even more challenging because I
was afraid I would get hurt again. After I completed all the test sheet
criteria to earn my brown belt I didn't know that I was going to have
to face a variety of attacks from every student in the dojo.
As they lined up to test my skills as a martial artist, some grabbed
weapons that included knives, machetes, clubs, and hand guns! AND the
biggest, toughest, highest ranking guys were at the front of the line
AND it was a LONG line!
I was smaller and I considered myself weaker than most everyone in that
line... My thoughts raced "Holy Shit, ...what am I gonna do?" Even
though I prepared for this my heart was pounding in my chest
anticipating what was about to happen. I felt completely vulnerable,
with anxiety & panic setting in, worried about getting hurt or
worse failing the test again!!
In that moment, I wondered what am I doing here and why would I put myself through this?... The attacks were milliseconds from happening, the pressure was on instantaneously my focus shifted from the mental muck going on inside my head to my breath. My racing mind slowed down to a complete calm, much like the weather before a storm. You hear about athletes getting into the zone...I know now that was what happened.
In a flash I was equipped
with a committed mindset birthed out of my complete vulnerability. I
had to take control of myself, my emotions, my fears by focusing on
ONLY what was directly in front of me. I couldn't worry about anything
after that, it all came down to my response to the first attack.
The first guy rushed me with 95% full force swinging a club...The
intensity & impact of a guy over 6 feet tall trying to tackle or
hit you is super scary but all my anxiety over that vanished. Instead,
as he swung the club to hit me, I blocked the club with one hand and
went low and grabbed his family jewels with the other holding on as he
dropped to his knees. I disarmed his weapon...I could feel the entire
class shudder! I caught a quick glance of approval from a professional
MMA fighter and felt immediately confident and reassured. (funny how we
need that from one another) I proceeded to disarm, takedown, and
escape what seemed an endless barrage of attack after attack.
Every attack appeared to me
to be in slow motion, and with less ferocity as my focus grew more and
more intent. I had no idea when it would end...so I just kept going
one after the other sometimes two attackers at the same time. Finally
the head instructor called for a halt that ceased the onslaught. At
the end of it, I remember feeling like I could barely stand, completely
exhausted trying to catch my breath, while reorienting myself to the
room. It was like something other than myself worked through me,
through my fears and elevated my ability to get through each attack
that could have with out it, left me re-injured.
Upon receiving my brown belt the head instructor told the entire class
that they usually only give a student testing for their brown belt
five to ten attacks to escape from at the end of their test...He
wanted me to know that I exceeded that far beyond his expectations and
commended me by saying that it was no small feat, that it was a test
of physical strength, endurance and mental fortitude having defended
over 30 attacks.
To say the least I felt really honored to be held in such regard
because I had no idea I was capable of such a task! Especially because I
felt so completely vulnerable even with all my preparation and
training.
On a side bar,
I do want to mention that this is in no way a comparison to what our
health care providers are currently enduring...my test was one
afternoon... not days, weeks, nor going into months of a crisis.
Although this pandemic is completely different
I can't help but feel that this virus is attacking me again. Only it's
exposing my vulnerabilities (my weaknesses and insecurities) by
testing my beliefs on what I perceive to be normal. And not just
me...It's hitting us ALL in every area of our lives! Kinda like when we
played dodge ball in bootcamp...the only difference is unlike getting
hit with a ball this virus can't be seen, its microscopic.
Yet, it's affecting our health & fitness, our mental well being,
our emotions, our character, our relationships, our social life, our
spirituality, our parenting, our finances, & our career!
We're literally having the shit kicked out of us!!
That mind muck I had preceding those 30 attacks found me asking some
of the same questions today only it went from "what am I doing here?"
to "how did we get here?" and from "why would I put myself through
this?" to "why would we put ourselves through this global epidemic?" and
"Holy shit! What are we gonna do?"
I think the answer may be found in what we perceived normal to be. The
overall quality of our life as we know it is changing day to day and
what "Normal" means...well lets just say, we will not be moving forward
with the same freedoms or the simple luxuries we had before, not
without some major shifts in that department....
We have to learn new ways to get out ahead of this predicament or dodge it all together.
This quote from Brene Brown really struck me and hopefully it will you as well.
"We
will not go back to normal. Normal never was. Our pre-corona existence
was not normal other than we normalized greed inequity, exhaustion,
depletion extraction, disconnection, confusion, rage, hoarding, hate
and lack. We should not long to return, my friends. We are being given
the opportunity to stitch a new garment. One that fits all of humanity
and nature."
I can definitely relate to everything she stated. Can you?...Its actually sobering, Just like my brown belt test, this pandemic has put our backs up against the wall. It's forcing us on an individual basis & a societal basis to focus intently
on the conditions surrounding our lives. We learn as we go and only
together can we minimize the degrees of pain it's causing in our quality
of life. What I didn't realize then, but what I do now, is that we
are not alone in this. There is something greater at hand working
through each and everyone of us.
Strangely I'm starting to feel like my old normal was not exactly right,
at least not deep inside. I'm asking greater questions on what the "new normal"
will be individually and collectively. I feel as though this
quarantine is re-building my capacity to endure time alone, reconnect
with my truer nature that is relaxed, calm, peaceful and to reshape my
life by letting go of things past....
Sure,
I've been bored and I've been unmotivated & uninspired at times
and longing to connect with friends and family but I feel like my
current work is more subtle. I feel like I'm doing an internal house
cleaning. I've been letting go of negative habits, and beliefs that
I'm no longer aligned with, to hopefully come out of this quarantine
with a fresh new perspective on what a normal routine for me will be.
Although certain freedoms have been taken away,
I believe we are creators and we have the power of our minds to heal
ourselves and our planet...especially if we focus intently on that
outcome. We can also be assured that there is a force that will carry
us through as it did when I thought "Holy Shit...what am I gonna do?"
and had no idea how I would accomplish more than I thought myself
capable. When we feel vulnerable we can tap into that force to gain
inner strength and know that even though our journey together will be
one of endurance...it will build our character and make us stronger as
we evolve into better versions of ourselves for one another and the
planet as a whole, COVID 19 or not!!
Moving Forward:
When you are quiet and alone in your thoughts...what questions are you
asking? What positive changes do you feel will come from this in your
life? I challenge you to look at each area of your life and ask what
needs to improve. Ask "If I'm feeling depleted, exhausted, fearful,
angry, disconnected or missing out, what needs to change in my life to
create greater happiness and joy?"
I just wanted to share
some thoughts I've been having before we go into the next month of
quarantine and virtual bootcamp to help keep us steady and focused on a
brighter future.
Keep Evolving!!
xo
FOLLOW US ON SOCIAL MEDIA
Twitter: @evolve360show
Instagram: @evolve360show
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/evolve360life/
If you enjoyed this show make sure to SUBSCRIBE and catch all the latest Evolve 360 Cheli Shell episodes at www.evolve360show.com
Comments
Post a Comment